I'm driving to the burbs and before I am coming back I'm pulling in your driveway and I'm rolling front to back I'm shifting forward then reverse my car a bunch as if my Subaru's a wiener getting sexy with your cul de sac LOLOLOL I'm from the avenue a rapping labradoodle half a wasp and half a jew If you's a Saturday cartoon I'll smack ya black and blue I'm actin ratchet with daffy duck and snackin on rabbit stew yabadadoo, I gotta lick my lips Smoke a bowl with yogi bear I'm stickin up your pic-a-nics All of this is in my head my magination's colorful Crayons on the brain I scribble silly shit all on my skull Holy cow I don't think they're gonna hold me down I recommend you listen to the record in a theater with the Dolby Sound And I'm sipping on the coldest round with preppies and the goldie locks but I bet bunch a hunnits everybody's gonna scatter in a minute when the police knocks Like Sorry ocifer That getting sloshed occurred But rastas broke in and they made us all smoke lossa herb I'm sorry, honest abe, popo don't take me 'way 'way Cause if you ever try to lock me up I'm pleading cray cray And then they'll all say mayday! Mayday! Oh, what did we do? he be creepy giving me the heebee jeebies, he be hebrew he be robo, beep boop beep boop, please untie me! he's behind me! What's 50 grand to a motherfucker like me, can you please remind me?

Verse 1 Am I the only one who thinks a bit of soul is nice? some women suck it from you like the poltergeist Cause I can tell the time of day without a diamond on my wrist, I give a __ about your rolly's price I like em bold, and I'll roll the dice Cause I been crushing on all these crunchy granola types I'm over being over it and women on a mission got my heart melting like polar ice I might Be looking for a little bit of Bay A little San Francisco in these women in LA Ashe nothing I can say And if you're being fake you should be walking away I don't play babe don't give a damn how low your earings hang your favorite brand, I don't needa hear it, dang Cause Everybody's born nekked and maybe later I'll be licking on your Gucci and you, rubbing my Vera Wang Verse 2 sooner or later you'll figure out it's a hard world you could get stronger doing arm curls But this is a stickup and I'm coming saying break yourself, better gimme that heart girl Just put it in the bag And if I give it back Don't put it in the trash cause I been looking for a patna with a passion saying Don't recycle Don't recycle me But in this economy I don't really think it's cute for you to flaunt your property What about some modesty? that'd be a shock to me cause the only time you walk on the block is on a shopping spree mother-eff that song and dance baby girl there's not a chance not unless you wanna grab a coffee in pajama pants we'll be looking like we just rolled out of bed together all we really need is you and me

Verse 1 Cause I'm a bachelor So Fuck attachin a label to life we're living and imagine a future where we won't be living in the past I'll be flipping birds like a chicken breast on a spatula so if you're bragging then you can forget it And if it thunders and if it rains and pours, let it And in the morning then it'll hit you that George said it They gave him a fuck, he returned it for store credit but don't be sore yet If you got a score, settle it cause it's more pleasure with Fun before etiquette Get up on the table and pour your drinks get it, but don't be boneheaded it's for your own benefit I'll be getting open and seeking my seventh heaven irreverent, while you be seeking a reverend or Pope Benedict you got a stick where the sun don't shine? well that's fine But remember that Chorus Verse 2 all I wanna do is get my mind right if I'm looking at tomorrow check my eyesight all i'm gonna focus on's this fine night cause all I know this life is finite never neverland isn't more than a legend and so I gotta be digging the present session and getting this wedging myself up into the wettest crevices, effortless grabbing a piece of the flesh, if you love it then why fight some people slower than a nineties modem wanna see the nips, it's a while to loadem if life is a woman she's got some epic titties and I wanna get up in it and live it and motorboatem Cause I wanna see the cool and the classy And I wanna see the cruel and the nasty Cause if it's real shit Lemme feel it And if you can't deal

Suspended the same month I won the city science fair I won most likely to succeed and teachers nightmare guess I was quite scary, some hate a binary Sent to the principals office straight from the libary But since my voice was about as high as Mariah Carey When I had the douchey spiky hair like Guy Fieri my flavor was a mystery you never knew what you were getting it could be some mild or some Wild Cherry just read my diary, cause I'm wirey But I'm irie, and I spit it firey, hire me I wouldn't hurt a fly Though sensitive you never heard me cry but i got a certified dirty mind So grab some turpentine, a dash of listerene And splash my mouth out with a gallon jug of Mister Clean i'm flashing on every asshole up in the classroom I'm planning on coming sick I hope you had your antihistamines before I split the scene, and we can puff pass Cause I'm an honor roll kid who liked to cut class A babyface but I tend to shave with a cutlass and If you switch the picture to HD you'll see my mustache I tend to slow it down when they want just fast I'm a vegetarian who thinks that PETA sucks ass I bring the ruckus, while shmucks be kissing my tuchus, I bookishly bust it nasty, you should be rocking a dust mask I like smoking dope, but won't pop a pill I think Oprah's ill, but I loathe Dr. Phil I got the propers to a topple your whole metrstopolis stomp an impossible obstacle I won't stoppin to chill From Chapel Hill to the big apple I travel the map just trampling bastards but then I handle their hospital bill If there's beez in the trap I'm catching em By the thorax and abdobin and sanding the stingers down to a rough quill Then I dip em in ink, and I scribble a bit But if it they wriggle then I tickle em untill they hold still Lemme say it again In my land of pretend I use bees as a motherfuckin pen But a lot of the guys I know have been saying that I'm so so they're not a believer That I'm a keeper b-b-But I don't know Maybe it's cause I be looking like Leave it to Beaver they're thinking that I don't flow even if I could be running in circles around em as if I'm gyroscope I'll enter the draft and I'm thinking I might go pro Running the jungle like I'm an albino rhino deep in the undergrowth Fuck a disaster, bring on the asteroids Never gonna gonna be massacred like all of the dinos though Bring on primal vinyl magic show I'm turning a blind eye to the bullcrap, waving bye bye zippity doo dah suck on my booty done with the bad luck put on my brass knucks And I cold cock any Pol Pot in the whole spot, with that boom I'm Fiddler on the Roof hitting Hitler in his fruits of the loom I'm Jew, on the right side but it's true I'm a Christian on the left side of my family crest, dude I've been to public school and private, been unpopular and popular and I don't think people pop from a test tube

keep it fresh like i'm tupperwear quail man, outside underwear I'm the Mail man, I always deliver I don't have it in pocket then I got it in my other pair Baggin saggin Barry slap an adversry I'm not tan A lady had been sucking on my milky body till my neck was like be the only place I didn't have a hicky busting all my capillaries I'm a human I'm cyborg uniform find me riding on five horn unicorn Five horns cause it got five heads Five heads And they all got dreads Neon dreads, watch the braids glow We're Going dummy getting blazed on a rainbow Blaze the rainbow, so enfuego It's great to see you Today Show I'm in the future on the Day After Tomorrow Show smoke a fatty while you're puffing on a Marlbro I don't have to be a billionaire I'm a gummy bear hundrednaire stacking all the Haribo and i got sickest barrio And I got the biggest heart and so every time I see an adorable little puppy I be working on cardio i'm working on my Carter flow I'm Atilla the Hun I'm bucking the run of mill I'm a fucking gorilla I'm coming thrillem and I'm no bigger than a garden gnome And I'm not gonna stop till locked in a coffin No fuck that, I'll keep going off when dead and I'm rotten and propped up and stuffed full of cotton

Chorus (x2) I thought Swag was dead way before this I thought Swag had been buried in the forest But then Bieber said Swag in a chorus And I went and bought a big fat thesarus Verse 1 you're a Boss hog, you're a top dog You're so slamming, that I would say you've got pogs You're suave, swell, sick In the sense of being ill, chill, slick You're hip, You're a hit, You're the tits, You're it If I were being rude then I would say you're the SSHSHHHHS-- Shimmy shimmy cocopuffs, You're so loco you're so dope it's nuts. you're raw as an open cut You're bold, you're golden, You're Funner a stone cold stunner, A real mean mugger You're colder than the other side of my pillow or hot as the underside of the cover in a los angeles summer You're not dumb and dumber, You're smart and smarter You're hard and harder You're Peter Parker right after the spider bite You're so dynamite brightest light A hypest hype you're so zen, you're a ten, you're gem Creme de la creme de la creme de la creme BREAKDOWN (Spoken) In 1860 Walt Whitman wrote "I cock my hat as I please" in his famous poem Leaves of Grass In 2012 Just Bieber said "Swag swag swag swag, on you Chillin by the fire while we eatin fondue I don't know about me, but I know about you So say hello to falsetto in three, two, swag CHORUS Verse 2 (Doubletime) presence, essence, pizzazz, panache, dashing flash, brazzen and brash, the verve, the nerve, the truth, the proof the cash the passion and the class better than ever, cool as cucumber, smoother than butter, a little bit smug Hotter than a mug, eye of the Tiger, the heart of a lion, The look of thug pick of the litter, The Attitude, the cleanup hitter, The baddest dude totally sure, full of allure, a raconteur, the poison and cure gravitas, glamour, you're dropping the hammer, a swashbuckling, debonaire An A lister, with X Factor, capital G with the best hair Dragon slayer, the franchise player, The king, the president, governer, mayor You're rare, the opposite of square and pompus, You're shaped with flair like a rhombus confident, jaunty, awesomely saucy, You got more props than Ghandi You got it on lock, got rocks and moxie, like you're rocking some brand new socksies from city to city the grittiest kid, and he might be little bit cocky But saying Swag is obnoxious And if you be looking capture the confident way that I'm walking and talking there's options Just say he's got 'Watsky"

Chorus All I wanted to do is write rhymes All I ever wanted to do is write rhymes All I ever wanted to do is write rhymes (Huh?) Is that a crime? (What?) To write rhymes? Verse 2 I don't be an economist I don't want to be a cheap novelist I don't want to be a weed or a botanist I don't want to be a pimp or bottom bitch I don't want to be a strip club manager And I'd hate to be a strip club janitor Mopping up for crusty ass customer, bust in their nuts in the cuts I Just wanna bust a verse I don't wanna be a court jester I don't want to be a royal poison tester I don't wanna pick up dog crap for park and rec And I don't want to be a doghouse architect I don't want to be a server I don't want to flip beef burgers be a beat maker, a wal mart greeter A CEO, an astronaut or a fucking sheep herder Verse 3 But the sad fact is, most real folks don't get don't get to practice What we love for a living we do backflips And no matter where we're at on the atlas Earth spins on its axis back to the rat race Run the hampster wheel At a mad pace we'll run laps till our last days Just a beast till the last rose petal drops in the glass case I'm one of a lucky bunch But I upchuck my free lunch when sucker punched I'm fucking up, I don't want to free pass When my ancestors potatoes rotted in the field they would have to eat grass And folks put on ski masks when their back's against the wall throwing right hooks And I just wanna pen verses, write hooks Man I'm such lucky asshole Someone fucking slap me with my rhymebook

Chorus There might be other cities Half as raw as our Out in some other distant galaxy Among the stars (But I doubt it) Verse 1 Nothing like the feeling of plane flight homeward The way my stomach dips when the landing gear's lowered Because no matter how many miles that I wander The Bay Bridge curves like smile on the water I'm like What up, missy Tell me were you missing me Whith this Pretty city skyline lit up like a christmas trees The little building shimmers pinky rings from tiffany's Every time I witness the I have a damn epihany That This is me I was built by all history I got six or seven memories on every single street I never missed a beat city pride All is foggy sky got me misty eyed Verse 2 We don't play tiny violins over minor things we slide into the ring taking Tyson swings Because this city will defend our fucking pride and raise each other up like Simba in the Lion King We're not shy I ain't no coy coward I'll by doing trust falls offa Coit tower my boys on the groundfloor providing man power But if I die now mix me into clam chowder Put me in a breadbowl feed me to the seagulls Just not the tourists I'm sure they're peachy people I get I'm just a purist It isn't oil but there's something in our water and it's got me feeling diesel

Verse 1 yesterday i signed my first tit soft with the pen because i didn't want to burst it I did it cursive. i took my sweet time i tried to put my personality in each line like I do with each rhyme cause in the worst case that's what put this bust in my custody in the first place now i'm rounding first base, cruising cause I paid dues dude, i called my roommates and I gave them all the great news they're pitiless but so many nights up at the motel 6, tittyless after gigs with hideously small crowds it's been 4 years of playing colleges in small towns i'm through with all doubt I'm ready to bloom from wallflower and just ball out and live my fantasy and if i ever get my name on a grammy it's for my family But for me I just can't top the memory of my john hancock on that mamory Chorus Why are we Shy to be Who we all would like to be? Write your name so big and bold that the entire world can see although you Can't undo All the pain that you've been through Write your name Write your name Write your name Verse 2 The future's here, and it's tangible and kind of spongy I'm a commie but I love my fucking country right now just let play the fillmore and die now i couldn't give a damn about who's raising an eyebrow I thought I'd failed, I prayed for so long God said "no way," but i'm all like, 'come oooon' and he's all like "okay" and at first i'm all like "don't play" but them i'm all like "hooray!" and i grabbed that baton and i ran like a Cavs fan, away from Lebron now they gab about me in pubs and salons and they're mad to admit it, but pale kid's the bomb from anonymous geek to Don Juan in a week and I'm calm, but if ever i seem gloomy i can't stress enough how much this means to me i held the tears in, cause i didn't dare to dream of the most beauteous boobie i've ever seen Chorus Bridge right now (repeat) right right right right on my command the world is a booby that's in the palm of my hand

Chorus If I could go back then (back then) If I could go back when (back when) And step into the past (way back) I'd do it all again (again) If I could go back then (back then) If I could go back when (back when) I was a stupidass (dumbass) I'd do it all again (again) Verse 1 I might have a weak chin, but i don't have a glass jaw so watch your fist glance off my cheek skin and back off i cut my teeth on the blacktop, i'm used to something cruel cause in my youth, my tooths were crowded as the public schools where we moved above the rules where the currency was percocets where i showed up early rocking headgear and turtlenecks this nerd'll flex and you won't see this man pout cause the traits that got us beat down, are what make us stand out so let your tongue hang out if you got lips like Mick Jagger plant and stand proud with that little kid swagger the subtle it factor of the baddest individuals cause adamant originals don't end up in pigeon holes which gets my thinking it's a damn shame dorks don't pop their pimples like they're champagne corks I work the quirks, cause if I didn't start sloppily I'd never clean up this cotdamn properly Verse 2 I never threw like Elway or overthrew like El Che so i moved to LA, to the land of milk and self hate But one day, I'll strip and then strut buck down the sunset strip as it was a runway I'm thinking maybe Sunday and if you need sensei for sexy, just text me. I stay by San Vicente and La Brea where the rent's cheap so you can't tempt me, with a Beamer, Benz or Bentley that's complete with penis envy, and even keyless entry 'cause see, I'm makeing ends meet, care to be friendly? And make ends meet? In my backseat in an awkward frenzy Once in a parking lot while practicing anatomy I was knocking elbows till the music zapped the battery and dammit it was bad but I'm not mad I brought my A game even we sat there naked the man from Triple A came and it was way lame, but I've got on good authority, she boldly told the sordid story to her whole sorority Verse 3 Some days I wake up and i wonder 'what would Buddha do?' And then I jump into my fruity little Subaru some dudes'll front 'how do you do, mama?' because some women see the mula, and say 'ooh lala' but i say 'woo-sah' i don't smooch on muchachas who need mucha to mooch off. i'm cool for like a futon out in Utah a yurt up in the yukon when hurtin but i'll go back to herding stupid yaks in Bhutan or cop a coupe with coupons but when you get a F.U.P.A. like a dugong i'll treat you supa dupa we can't do wrong cause beauty is a dude who puts the moves on, then moves on we're all moving as true pawns and get chewed in the food chain we're all nude in the new dawn brain screwed on with a plain birthday suit on so let's graduate human, summa cum laude, huge honors, so you goners should do the do and do wander the blue yonder cause trying to fool the future takes too long

INTRO So much to do So much to see So much for you So much for me So much to do and see So much for you and me Verse When I'm thirty five I'll learn to work a potter's wheel When I'm forty I'll forty go streaking at a soccerfield And if they try to tackle me then I'll distract em flapping my arms and happily shrieking like a coccatiel When I'm sixty I'll get really really fat And then go back to skinny really really fast And then go skydiving with no parachute and glide around like I'm a flying squirrel with my skinflaps Like a creepy Aladin Cause there's no feat you can't achieve if you believe it can happen If yesterday's a pain in the ass tomorrow's an aspirin and you might be feeling better than you ever could imagine At seventy I'll rock sandals with black socks When I'm eighty I'll try heroin or crack rocks Or both-- And mix em in a smoothie I'll be old and toothless And I'll be feeling groovy I'll make out with school teachers Chill at nude beaches And free the zoo creatures And if they tell me it's a issue for my health I'll tell em bitch I'm ninety you can kindly fuck yourself I'm just being really really really really really really really right right now And so I just plan on doing what I really really really really feel like now VERSE 2 I probably won't bang all the girls I liked in high school Although that would be quite cool But I'll list their names out on some wide rule paper And I'll call each one of them and tell them that I really would have liked to love em back in the day Not to be a creeper obviously Just to see who'd respond positively And just take it from there We'll just take it from there I hope you answer my prayers cause We don't know what the future holds

Verse 1 His footprints are fading away from the beach We're not a family to pray or to preach But daddy's best friend took a handful of pills and now he's at a podium making a speech Yesterday night after dark Hi carefully wrote his remarks but everyone said what he put on his page so he threw it way and went straight from the heart Chorus I thought this was a party But all my friends are leaving And I still want to play You wrecked me to stepped out cause you're the wounded healer And you're supposed to stay Verse 2 A year's a bottle in a bucket of trash It'll tip over the more that it stacks Didn't notice it till now but dad's been moving slower every time we play go play catch I'm scared of the day when he carry's a cane I carry his dream I carry his name And when papa is gone he will never be gone because the sound of our sneeze is the same God bless I hear your voice In mine I want to stop time Like a carnival ride I don't know what I'm saying but I mean it (repeat) Chorus