A New Kind of Sexy Mixtape

by Watsky

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1.
I'm that dork up in the orchestra on oboe, trick You're just trying to get some chickens on your pogo stick But they'll be hopping off it when you stop the profiting, and then with no dough you'll be like a Dodo when you go extinct I'm in San Francisco sipping on a boba drink Tapioca in my palm I talk how Yoda thinks the voice is so distinct I like to write my rhymes with lemon juice and so if you don't get it it's in coded ink Better believe this I'm ready to meet Jesus Either him or Willford Brimley when I die from Diabeetus I've Never been defeated since da fetus days lead the way Raged out my momma's VJ, crazed and freed the slaves Wait I take it back, that's racist and I'd need a time machine and I'm not pleased to be like T-Pain, a fleeting phase But since My pre-Ks in PJs, I pre-date the Bieber craze I've been rhyming crispier than Frito-Lays
2.
chorus I got a new kind sexy I'm working on a recipe for fresh And exotic combinations of some rare kinds of sexy A new kind of sexy verse 1 My face is like the California government In terms of how it tends to budget what it's covered in Hair follicles are public school doors Every day I open up a new pore And shut two more It's even worse to check the shit that's risen Cause zits pop up quick like they're prisons It's all blackheads-- no justice now But they get overcrowded and I bust em out I'm like Pop! Pop! motherfucker, I'm a bad man And some day my skin'll crack like the Badlands Like my dad's is But if that's all, I don't give a rat's balls I'll wear them like they're badges Fuck a boyscout they're manscout patches Cause I'm endowed, and how! Dammit And I know my body makes you want to hang out bad The way my skin is cleaner than a Shamwow ad Someday you'll see my stubble from the hubble On my mama on the double I'ma look like Barney Rubble chorus But for now I got a new kind sexy I'm working on a theorem of a new And experimental blend of different rare kinds of sexy A new kind of sexy [INTUITION VERSE- ask him what he said] CHORUS [DUMBFOUNDEAD VERSE- ask him] George verse 2 yesterday I bought a pullupbar I made plans to go jog down the boulevard I changed my culinary choices from full of starch to full of shit it's total farce I haven't run a lap in years but i'll crack a beer and run the poker table like a fuckin racketeer Boom shakalack-fuck let's have a potluck I got a hot buck burning a hole in my pocket so let's hit the tac-truck jock's suck Just throw everything we got in the wok And let's grub till it looks like we're knocked up CHORUS JT brought sexy back, but it's a cheap one So I brought that sexy back for a refund A new sexy's begun
3.
Chorus I ain't afraid, I'm the man, I'm the great I laugh in the face of danger I'm on the edge so you best be prepared There's something in the air, it's danger I never cared, lions, tigers and bears I ain't scared, you can bring that danger If you want to survive, better stay on your side Or you're putting yourself in danger Verse 1 I drive a hooptie, not a Humvee My bed's hella comfy Sometimes I get hella clumsy You more He-Man, me more Gumby You more Bun B, trill Me more One Tree Hill Me Will You Uncle Phil I'm nothing but a punk with skills If that's confusing, then I'd like to ask you humbly chill Cause last I checked, it was a fucking free country still I'm so hungry. It's time for din din we do our thing thing all we do it win win win and then draw some because I fight with my friends, and my friends like to win and they're awesome and if you cross em well then you crossed me and you better watch out cause if you watch me you know I fight to the last for my fam and my friends are my fam so a friend is a Watsky Verse 2 I never pack switch blade (Danger) but in the middle of the night I run a black ops fridge raid jackpot, man, never play the good cop when i'm at the kitchen door negotiating push pops I just got here. watch your boy stay stepped in the building and i'm chilling in the foyer Oy vey. man i'm colder than the South Pole i don't give a damn if it's a no-shoes household This bonehead's in his PRO-Keds from outset That's why I stay grounded like a three-prong outlet it's how I pull off looking like a Boy Scout, yet I'm rocking sneakers that are cleaner than a moist towelette And yes, my rider calls for Grey Goose and Applejacks How I rose so fast from the cabbage patch I use some four letter curses, and then I drop a triple word score that'll scrape you in a Scrabble match Verse 3 Here comes lover lover, on some other ish quick to blow up like a pufferfish The toughest puppet with purple plush stitched in my flesh snuffaluffagus up in this bitch on some raw rubber ducky shit and you muggles mean mugging better cut it quick chuck another diss, and then pucker lips kiss my voluptuous hips and then button it stopping fuckery's on my bucket list I like monsters under beds, But I'm a kitties and puppies man slap that peppermint frap from a yuppie's hand didn't clean my room. I puff the magic dragon So go ahead and stuff me in the paddy wagon you dilly-dallied while i called shots i'm not babyfaced, my beard's got bald spots fresh mind, mentos for my mental fuck the #2, i use a #1 pencil
4.
Kidnap Your Boyfriend Chorus I was just thinking i really like you and I was just thinking I really like you I was just thinking if i kidnap your boyfriend could i be your boyfriend? could i be your boyfriend? Verse 1 i've gotta time it right i've gotta plan it through you're a stick of dynamite hope that i can handle you you're a whole new animal they couldn't hold a candle to so i demand a candid answer, what's a man to do? could pay a camera crew get an editor set up in his kitchen with the video and kid and put his ass on catch a predator call his creditor tell em he's in heavy debt and with fed on red alert I plant a care package, a bear trap with the teeth padded and when he grabs it, then i beat it like brear rabbit or i could lock him in the liquor cabinet drinking, thinking of you, sad until he kicks the habit and if he gets lovey dovey I'll take a kindergarten keep him in the cubby when we leave for winter break and someone gets the pet i'm gonna pawn him off on little betty like he was a guppy Verse 2 It's a minute to midnight and that's my cue pull up in my big white van beckon him with my charisma chucking snickers at him like it's his Bar mitzvah and if someone heard the racket better bet i'm gonna bag him in a burlap sack dude's whack, he lacks the X Factor (bookmark boy) i can be the next chapter/ (3 rising) what do i do for the women who tell me they want me? that when i got over the one who steadily haunts me if i get over the one then I'll be ready to party then i'll be looking at blondie, on me get up and calmly walk away it's pretty pathetic I get it, but not today you wanted to play you want me to act tough? spend every dime but i won't go bankrupt (3) I said to be easy could you please back up all these Jenga beezies they just don't stack up Verse 3 if i'm too blunt, i can mask it if time's a blunt, i can pass it i'd rather pass it with a passenger shotgun the messenger call off the massacre your dude is cool, i wish i didn't have to mess with him to tell the truth, i want the very second best for him i'm positive i'm not pessimist i'm not jumping, i'm just pissing off the precipice if I deafen to the definition and i never getcha god i betcha i'll be better cause i metcha but be i'm missing always waiting for day you'll be available you keep on stating who you're dating ain't debatable but baby maybe we could pick up when this shit ends my sixth sense says we're clicking like we're bic pens i don't wanna read the writing on the wall if it's only gonna end like annie hall
5.
Verse 1 Looking out my window Talking to my cat like he's kinfolk I sip a coke and I drink slow I'm in limbo No plan B No girlfriend, I just need to meet a nympho But I won't cause I'm more sensitive than my lymph nodes and I give too much info You can't upzip After saying dumb shit like, Like I hear your name every time the wind blows I gave a chilly chick my jacket and my skin froze and then she jacked it and just ran off with my thin clothes I guess that shit makes her a heartbreaker in my windbreaker I'm not tripping off the bimbos, I just think about the puns that I can spit later she couldn't salt me, she was just a hip shaker And to answer the question that you implied in your eyes No, I don't think that I'm smarter than a fifth grader Verse 2 Reality valedictorian Graduated to the next level and i hopped in my delorian Aurora borealis in my rearview in my rearview, man it's glorious waking up at noon, I'm notorious I'm gonna roll the dice, I'm very lucky, but fuck it Papa needs a new pair of huggies in this life of hard knocks feeling like the Hulk, I throw my enemies against the wall across the room like they were my alarm clock After dark, car parked right on our block arm wrapped around the card stock chick propped up in the passenger seat for a sweet one-way heart to heart talk I think I'm ahead of my age like I'm DipNDots These women that I've dated lately really seem to think I'm odd-- Strange they smile nod which is hard without a head on their shoulders like Ichabod Crane
6.
Verse Sometimes I think I'm too honest But to be honest I'm sick, I'm bubonic But less black than the plague which is vague Cause the Black Plague as a name's kinda ironic in that most black folks don't actually kill entire populations of european people, or move chronic Who said they move chronic? Were you away cuz Cause if you ever smoked bud you know tress make you cough like the plague does I hold my smoke in, toke up, lightweight Yankee you'd faint from a baby buzz Fuck you random English guy, take a long nap. this my song. Begone, move along chap Bugger Yeah, that's right, walk away bitch Remember what my name is (WATSKY) Good, now that square dude is gone we can party Let's get some mardis gras beads, weed and bacardi The weed's gone, that British nobleman smoked our shit and no one noticed Who cares bro, I party sober, I'm over it I'm with my dogs yo, my dobermans at In N Out feeling dope and shit It's a local thing I get the cheese fries, then go home for a boca burger and a mocha drink I go to Yogurtland blowing smoke rings and speeding in the fast lane yodeling road soda tucked in the lap of the kid riding shotgun when the cops roll past motioning for us to pull over and I don't I blow past a toll booth doing donuts on the shoulder slow, I'm the Sofa King I won't brag But believe me, I know swag I'm feeling so sav My friends in the backseat follow our police chase live on the plasma screen headrest TVs that I don't have They warn me about the spike strips I swerve, and I fly through the burbs, but then I hit the curb and my tire pops I flee on foot but get tired stop and invite the the firefighters and the night cops out to iHop this is the life, homie, why knock it I get high fives when I pop the top off my beer bottle with my eye socket I'll be fine I'm bleeding but the best beer goggles is to be blind Is this seat taken? Is that you British fool I can't see shit, but know there's a seat vacant It's me Well sit down dude, there's mad room We just got food, but there's bound to be round two
7.
Verse 1 I've been on the blacktop Steady throwing elbows Ever since I was was in corduroys and velcros Ever since you did your impression of Melrose Pace a giggling gaggle of Tickle me Elmos I ate some wheaties and graduated to shell toes Running from a bully, man I'm thinking hell no chain me to a tree, I'm waiting for the bulldozer You only woulda seen skate away if hell froze May not be bigger but you're never gonna pick on me You're Cedric Diggory. I'm Nicholas Nickleby You better pick a team There's no in between You want a nickelbag You want some nicotine You wanted a fix I will never be your goldmine Taking my kicks And I'm hanging em over the phoneline So you can find me, posted feeling so fine I'm not looking for a co-sign Verse 2 At Buena Vista elementary in second grade One whistle is when recess ends Two whistles is an earthquake drill Three means every kid better hit the deck Unless you want to catch a stray bullet or a ricochet from a fight across the chainlink fence I know that I don't look it but grew up in the middle of the city where only the quick make friends A kid in Frisco navigating Lombard no On Star I'm on BART no lawn darts not saying I'm hard But I got street val for my pokemon cards Better put me onto Pawn stars And I'll Barter like my gramma when she wants art Every block or two I skate around another beggar Leaning on a cop car Baked as a pop tart
8.
verse 1 6th grade, I remember my first dance Steady searching through the mix for a slowdance Like the marshmallow pieces in the lucky charms Cause that's golden your opportunity for romance But on the fast songs the numbers between That's when you get to show the lovely ladies what you mean It's when the fella's preen watch me C-Walk How I strutted and displayed feathers like a peacock They did the Funky Chicken, I learned the Dirty Bird, Cause the Atlanta Falcons did it in the endzone After every touchdown. It didn't help me score, did it at the dances and it put me in the friend zone And if I went home, with my head down I lift my chin up Then put it down again Up again Down again Up again Down again Now I'm headbanging to the brand new sound again Verse 2 Your body is a temple My body circus ring trying to hold itself up like a tentpole every instrumental makes my pencil neck snap back fast until I'm going mental Some call it grinding, some call it bumping, but in the Bay we had a funny way of speaking In San Francisco, we're the kids of hippies, just a bunch of geeks so we called it freaking In 6th grade, freaked with a 8th hottie named Janny and I sang Kumbaya Amen Halllujah! Until a hater chaperone came and made room for God It's all good though Turn the anger into energy and passion tlll I'm burning like a wood stove I do Liquid and the Fireball the only raver moves I know But I'm putting on a good show
9.
Verse 1 You couldn't see a lot With our crotches under froth On timer-jets the trouble started when the bubbles stopped Now if you wanted you could see each little boy wand Bobbing there as clear as little goldfish in a coi pond And I was hot and prunie As dry as styrofoam I needed to escape the tub like Pauly from the Biodome I know no boychik's poifect But I made my lifetime's choice and hoisted myself out of the moistness slowly which exposed my joystick And Pauly must have seen it plain as I'm waving at you Because I stood there dripping, naked like the David statue Pauly I've gotta ask you Because I'm just not psychic If my penis was a facebook post I wonder if you'd like it "Chorus" All my life I prayed for a friend like you And I wish I could glance at your linus too But you wore a fucking speedo, you bitch Verse 2 I can't express just what it's meant to me to have my genitals vetted by a celebrity with Paulie's pedigree I'm talking Breeder's Cup If Charlie sheen had seen my seen peen it wouldn't mean as much He doesn't have the Weasel's touch I'm not some stupid groupie this dude was in Biodome, Encino Man, a Goofie movie and probably other stuff I just think it's fucking nuts That mister Pauly Shore himself was gazing at my buttercups I dreamed to be discovered I hope the wait is over Don't know if this is it But either way it's great exposure And I can't blow this chance To have a bro romance I hope he picks the fruit the dangles from my lowest branch I''l pick the slowest dance I just can't handle this Perhaps I should expect it at a men's spa in Los Angeles "Chorus" I wish I could see your pud too But I'd twitpic your dillsnick, it's true
10.
You want to know Then I'll try to tell you how it is there isn't ever much cracking the coconut hoping to get me to open wide now If you want to know then all you have to do is ask me I don't have a thing to hide i walk in the office of my orthodontist and without a warning my jawbone is already pried And honestly, I've never lied second to none If I pucker my lips and I lickem I'm looking to kick an impeccable pun I don't kick it like Bekham I kick it like Bekham a decade ago when I run my mouth you think I'm a megalo-maniac A lout? I'll be begging to differ try sticking a flute-- or a picolo up a particular part of your pecker But I'll let you pick it though I'm out I'll chuck up a duece-- a bigalow and be cracking a Michelob and I give a toast and I trickle a bit in the gutter for all of my bigger bros And I walk it out now If you want to know then all you have to do is ask me Not a thing to hide I'm trying to be totally open like all the time now If you want to know now then all you have to do is ask me Not a thing to hide now Not one damn thing now Not one damn thing And I'm glad I got all of these ears around me Not one damn thing And I'm glad I got all of these ears around
11.
Ten Fingers 02:28
Never have I ever seen Passion of Christ Never have I ever crashed on a bike Or been trapped on an island and had to survive And yes I've been trashed a Saturday night But never have I ever smoked crack from a pipe I've never started one slow clap in my life I never ever sat first class on a flight Or drank cognac from a bird bath Never tried to fly And yes, I'm known to cop a dub sack But I've never have I ever rolled my own blunt wrap Never have I banged to Purple Rain or Doveshack Never have I ever loved and been loved back fun fact, Cause I've had a broken heart But I've never ever ever ever put a woman over art And I'm never gonna start Never cheated on a chick But Ask me if I've lied, then I'll likely plead the fifth Never have I seen a ghost or a spirit But if one appears then I'll know when I'm near it And if I ever fucked a prophet I'd be quick to repent But I've never known Jesus in the Biblical sense But I've I think we'd be friends if he went to my school and was cool and we kicked it in chem I've never kissed a dude Well Tha'ss partly true Are we counting Spin the Bottle at a cast party too? Sooo gay Pause Press Play I've never raved I never been tased Never maced or been maced Or been punched in the face Never have I ever contemplated suicide or been crucified Never have I ever mooned another driver from the side of my hooptie ride Never have I ever swallowed all my foolish pride And I can't really tell If I'm a good person or I'm faking really well Cause every now and then I'd catch her on the phone But I never really went to visit grandma at the home But I've always known That I won't be happy Until I'm the best version of myself when I'm alone So fuck thinking of marriage Till I learn to put another person first and be a parent I pinky swear it
12.
Energy 02:26
Verse 1 My head's up in the sky it's higher than the clouds are I like to look up at the stars and wonder how far from what I hear about a billion babies are delivered every day and so it's like the planet is a clown car I know it probably shouldn't work, but we all fit Like a Mcy D's Playplace ballpit So lookie me, I'm about to jump up in it swimming through syringes like a mothafuckin dolphin I might have an outburst There's a lot of freaky people on the planet and it makes me want to crowd surf everybody everywhere dig downwards it's what we work for party at the earth's core! I gon't where to go to go far but if if I go, then I know I should go hard And if I go and I never come back Then I'll send a postcard And a couple thumb tacks Verse 2 teacher said this party started with a loud bang the way my ears are ringing I don't hear a sound mang i'm steady looking at the crowd like a proud dad for coming out instead of clicking like a mouse pad steal a bounce house, fill it full of helium ride like a blimp because I think It'd be really fun to do a triple flip in zero gravity while puffing on a philly blunt and shooting stars with a BB gun Tonight I'll look at something that I've never seen before And I might even pen graffitti on a meteor I can reach it, homie veni vidi vicci it's all peachy got a vision of the future on a wigi board I didn't believe it, I thought it CGI Why don't you decide if we're computerized? assuming you and I alive and tomorrow is the rapture I wonder watcha wanna do tonight Verse 3 I don't wanna I don't wanna I don't wanna I don't I don't wanna end up as an anybody Everybody is anybody made of arteries and antibodies and you never get to see confetti without getting bloody If you read ahead you'll all be surprised spoiler alert! we're all gonna die But I'll be hooping in that driveway in the clouds Shooting fouls with that big orange ball in the sky And when I die wanna say well I made it And be way celebrated and remain as a staple If I stay hella faded then I'll fade and my fate'll be the same as the fakers with the chains on the labels it's a shame people do it for the fame and the cash and not the flame and the passion I train through the pain and I frame every passage as way to stay fit Cause an 808 kick is my gatorade drink
13.
I don't really give a damn about a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow if it's being on a billboard From the moment I saw Chali 2na rocking under the multi- colored lighting in concert at the Fillmore I'd kill for punks and b-girls never gonna matter I'll be spitting like a water cannon making waves I'm an orca, I recommend a poncho you'll be feeling like you're in the front row at Sea World Gonna hike it till I make it, it's a good call taking the mic and i spike it like a football like a running back like i'm under the gun but I'm never gonna crack never could fall It's like I'm Arnold I'm skinny but I'm picking up a barbell fine gonna make it putting my pen to the paper poppin out a novel in a minute like I'm R.L. Stine Gotta try because I got a fool's chance grab the mic up at a middle school dance Take it from the DJ and I rap until they plug up out on me to stop it or until I get pantsed fuck it, they can pull the plug I'm gonna kick it acapella, Dockers at my ankles, and I tell em what I'm feeling even if nobody is listening I yell it to the ceiling and I celebrate the fact that I'm alive and I'm breathing
14.
4AM Monday 03:48
Verse 1 I know why they call them labels because you have to fit a label now to fit a label But If I'm a pussy, then I guess I did my kegels I got it on lox, I'll bring the bagels It kind of feels like middle school again when they call I think the majors can't quite decide if I'll come play ball If I can make them money If I can dumb my shit down enough Or do the dance I think it's kind of funny They might be right, I'm shaped different like Toblerone I turned down a quarter mil to pitch a mobile phone Cause I believed that I can be more and walked away And left my hand up in the air like I just shot the j White rappers only make if we talk like stars Hit the A-list Cause you puffed on Ls And dropped your Rs Let's pull some video out of 5th grade pageant And compare the way you talked then to how you're rapping You think you sound the same Or that you picked up the way to be real in somewhere TV-land along the way? If I just get 15 minutes I'm gonna stay myself And when that 16th minute comes then I won't hate myself Maybe I'll never get signed I'll fucking flatline But nobody gets to raise a banner during halftime Win or lose I bet on myself and I place a bid And make the same face on every play like Jason Kid Chorus It's almost 4am Monday in my room again Got a crazy vision of a dream escaping from my pen I'll be swinging going down Fuck that noise, No way no how You're listening to this song But I'm working on the next one now Verse 2 If my goals are odd I take as a challenge people seem confused by how I hope to use my talents Could he be weird Al, could he be Jimmie Fallon? I tell them to imagine Mos Def meets Woodie Allen haters give me balance. Every Kyle's got a Cartman I know how failure tastes I drink it straight from the carton I always keep a gallon in the fridge at my apartment to remind me how it feels to drop the ball like Stevie Bartman Believe me I want to achieve it all by being me It's too easy to be cheesy on TV or DVD I'm seeking to sneak in, but I'm weeping when I peep the scene Cause I'm knee-deep in it and need a TP roll to keep it clean I'm digging for a deeper meaning cause beneath this skin is a beating the temperamental heaving heart of gentle heathen If you deceive us, homie that's so sad I'll get more agro than the Aggro Crag I'm Bony Bony leave me aloney you know me well don't dwell on that Jabroni just cause that baloney sells His flow is hole-y like the edge of abalone shells I want to flow holy like matrimony bells
15.
I used to think I was a marxist now i go to less marches It's not that I don't want to start shit But I don't want to start shit Unless it's where my heart sits i don't keep a knife under my seat to join the revolution and spill blood in the street rather have a discussion over a bottle of bud or a puff on a blunt and then get something to eat I used to ask strangers if they believed in a God to see if we were peas in a pod and if they didn't agree with me then i'd argue and try to be smarter thinking I'd hear people applaud But I'm getting older And I'm getting dummer Or least I know less than I did when I was younger I used to profess, now I'm more pro-wonder I used to fear death, now I'm set to go under No, fuck it, I still fear This life is too top tear and it's like we just got here we're more than an oozie on a navy plane or lazy susan cruising on the gravy train we're the tingle up your neck when you see the sunset filter through the dust as it settles on the wavy grain yes, the wavy grain on the stolen land theft is as American as a Cola can yeah, it was sold to sam tell it to the mother of a little girl on the trail of tears as she holds her hand dammit, this was built on something ugly But wIth all my heart, man I believe in this country The beauty of our constitution have you read it lately? I swear It's really pretty lovely Really splendid It's like our forefathers penned it inspired, some early eminem shit It's like they meant it it's like they dreampt that all the fences that divide us would eventually be mended or rather torn down so I don't think it's un-American at all for us to ask for even more now Let's talk it over over more rounds What do you say?
16.
* 06:30

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Creative engineering, mixing and mastering by Nils Montan
Additional mixing and mastering by Peter Olivo

Album artwork by Philip Lumbang

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released August 1, 2011

"Danger" engineered by Damon Elliott
"Kidnap Your Boyfriend" engineered and mixed by Max Miller-Loran
Additional engineering for "A New Kind of Sexy" by Kush Mody

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gwatsky Los Angeles, California

George Watsky is a poet, author and hip hop artist.

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