1. |
They're Not Ready
00:50
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I'm that dork up in the orchestra on oboe, trick
You're just trying to get some chickens on your pogo stick
But they'll be hopping off it when you stop the profiting, and then with no dough you'll be like a Dodo when you go extinct
I'm in San Francisco sipping on a boba drink
Tapioca in my palm I talk how Yoda thinks
the voice is so distinct
I like to write my rhymes with lemon juice
and so if you don't get it it's in coded ink
Better believe this
I'm ready to meet Jesus
Either him or Willford Brimley when I die from Diabeetus
I've Never been defeated since da fetus days
lead the way
Raged out my momma's VJ, crazed and freed the slaves
Wait I take it back, that's racist and I'd need a time machine and I'm not pleased to be like T-Pain, a fleeting phase
But since My pre-Ks in PJs, I pre-date the Bieber craze
I've been rhyming crispier than Frito-Lays
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2. |
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chorus
I got a new kind sexy
I'm working on a recipe for fresh
And exotic combinations of some rare kinds of sexy
A new kind of sexy
verse 1
My face is like the California government
In terms of how it tends to budget what it's covered in
Hair follicles are public school doors
Every day I open up a new pore
And shut two more
It's even worse to check the shit that's risen
Cause zits pop up quick like they're prisons
It's all blackheads-- no justice now
But they get overcrowded and I bust em out
I'm like Pop! Pop! motherfucker, I'm a bad man
And some day my skin'll crack like the Badlands
Like my dad's is
But if that's all, I don't give a rat's balls
I'll wear them like they're badges
Fuck a boyscout
they're manscout patches
Cause I'm endowed, and how! Dammit
And I know my body makes you want to hang out bad
The way my skin is cleaner than a Shamwow ad
Someday you'll see my stubble from the hubble
On my mama on the double I'ma look like Barney Rubble
chorus
But for now
I got a new kind sexy
I'm working on a theorem of a new
And experimental blend of different rare kinds of sexy
A new kind of sexy
[INTUITION VERSE- ask him what he said]
CHORUS
[DUMBFOUNDEAD VERSE- ask him]
George verse 2
yesterday I bought a pullupbar
I made plans to go jog down the boulevard
I changed my culinary choices from full of starch
to full of shit
it's total farce
I haven't run a lap in years
but i'll crack a beer
and run the poker table like a fuckin racketeer
Boom shakalack-fuck
let's have a potluck
I got a hot buck burning a hole in my pocket
so let's hit the tac-truck
jock's suck
Just throw everything we got in the wok
And let's grub till it looks like we're knocked up
CHORUS
JT brought sexy back, but it's a cheap one
So I brought that sexy back for a refund
A new sexy's begun
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3. |
Danger w/Damon Elliott
03:56
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Chorus
I ain't afraid, I'm the man, I'm the great
I laugh in the face of danger
I'm on the edge so you best be prepared
There's something in the air, it's danger
I never cared, lions, tigers and bears
I ain't scared, you can bring that danger
If you want to survive, better stay on your side
Or you're putting yourself in danger
Verse 1
I drive a hooptie, not a Humvee
My bed's hella comfy
Sometimes I get hella clumsy
You more He-Man, me more Gumby
You more Bun B, trill
Me more One Tree Hill
Me Will
You Uncle Phil
I'm nothing but a punk with skills
If that's confusing, then I'd like to ask you humbly chill
Cause last I checked, it was a fucking free country still
I'm so hungry. It's time for din din
we do our thing thing
all we do it win win win
and then draw some
because I fight with my friends, and my friends like to win and they're awesome
and if you cross em
well then you crossed me
and you better watch out
cause if you watch me
you know I fight to the last for my fam and my friends are my fam so a friend is a Watsky
Verse 2
I never pack switch blade (Danger)
but in the middle of the night I run a black ops fridge raid
jackpot, man, never play the good cop
when i'm at the kitchen door negotiating push pops
I just got here. watch your boy stay
stepped in the building and i'm chilling in the foyer
Oy vey. man i'm colder than the South Pole
i don't give a damn if it's a no-shoes household
This bonehead's in his PRO-Keds from outset
That's why I stay grounded like a three-prong outlet
it's how I pull off looking like a Boy Scout, yet
I'm rocking sneakers that are cleaner than a moist towelette
And yes, my rider calls for Grey Goose and Applejacks
How I rose so fast from the cabbage patch
I use some four letter curses, and then I drop a triple word score that'll scrape you in a Scrabble match
Verse 3
Here comes lover lover, on some other ish
quick to blow up like a pufferfish
The toughest puppet with
purple plush stitched in my flesh
snuffaluffagus up in this bitch
on some raw rubber ducky shit
and you muggles mean mugging
better cut it quick
chuck another diss, and then pucker lips
kiss my voluptuous hips
and then button it
stopping fuckery's on my bucket list
I like monsters under beds, But I'm a kitties and puppies man
slap that peppermint frap from a yuppie's hand
didn't clean my room. I puff the magic dragon
So go ahead and stuff me in the paddy wagon
you dilly-dallied while i called shots
i'm not babyfaced, my beard's got bald spots
fresh mind, mentos for my mental
fuck the #2, i use a #1 pencil
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4. |
Kidnap Your Boyfriend
03:06
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Kidnap Your Boyfriend
Chorus I was just thinking i really like you and I was just thinking I really like you I was just thinking if i kidnap your boyfriend could i be your boyfriend? could i be your boyfriend?
Verse 1
i've gotta time it right i've gotta plan it through
you're a stick of dynamite hope that i can handle you
you're a whole new animal they couldn't hold a candle to
so i demand a candid answer, what's a man to do?
could pay a camera crew get an editor set up in his kitchen with the video and kid and put his ass on catch a predator
call his creditor
tell em he's in heavy debt and with fed on red alert I plant a care package, a bear trap with the teeth padded
and when he grabs it, then i beat it like brear rabbit
or i could lock him in the liquor cabinet
drinking, thinking of you, sad until he kicks the habit
and if he gets lovey dovey
I'll take a kindergarten keep him in the cubby
when we leave for winter break and someone gets the pet i'm gonna pawn him off on little betty like he was a guppy
Verse 2
It's a minute to midnight and
that's my cue pull up in my big white van
beckon him with my charisma
chucking snickers at him like it's his Bar mitzvah
and if someone heard the racket better bet i'm gonna bag him in a burlap sack dude's whack, he lacks the X Factor (bookmark boy) i can be the next chapter/ (3 rising) what do i do for the women who tell me they want me? that when i got over the one who steadily haunts me if i get over the one then I'll be ready to party then i'll be looking at blondie, on me get up and calmly walk away it's pretty pathetic I get it, but not today you wanted to play you want me to act tough? spend every dime but i won't go bankrupt (3) I said to be easy could you please back up all these Jenga beezies they just don't stack up
Verse 3
if i'm too blunt, i can mask it if time's a blunt, i can pass it i'd rather pass it with a passenger shotgun the messenger call off the massacre your dude is cool, i wish i didn't have to mess with him to tell the truth, i want the very second best for him i'm positive i'm not pessimist i'm not jumping, i'm just pissing off the precipice if I deafen to the definition and i never getcha god i betcha i'll be better cause i metcha but be i'm missing always waiting for day you'll be available
you keep on stating who you're dating ain't debatable but baby maybe we could pick up when this shit ends my sixth sense says we're clicking like we're bic pens i don't wanna read the writing on the wall if it's only gonna end like annie hall
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5. |
Women, Women, Women
02:31
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Verse 1
Looking out my window
Talking to my cat like he's kinfolk
I sip a coke and I drink slow
I'm in limbo
No plan B
No girlfriend, I just need to meet a nympho
But I won't cause I'm more sensitive than my lymph nodes
and I give too much info
You can't upzip
After saying dumb shit like,
Like I hear your name every time the wind blows
I gave a chilly chick my jacket and my skin froze
and then she jacked it and just ran off with my thin clothes
I guess that shit makes her a heartbreaker in my windbreaker
I'm not tripping off the bimbos, I just think about the puns that I can spit later
she couldn't salt me, she was just a hip shaker
And to answer the question that you implied in your eyes
No, I don't think that I'm smarter than a fifth grader
Verse 2
Reality valedictorian
Graduated to the next level and i hopped in my delorian
Aurora borealis in my rearview in my rearview, man it's glorious
waking up at noon, I'm notorious
I'm gonna roll the dice, I'm very lucky, but fuck it
Papa needs a new pair of huggies
in this life of hard knocks
feeling like the Hulk, I throw my enemies against the wall across the room like they were my alarm clock
After dark, car parked right on our block
arm wrapped around the card stock chick propped up in the passenger seat for a sweet one-way heart to heart talk
I think I'm ahead of my age like I'm DipNDots
These women that I've dated lately really seem to think I'm odd-- Strange
they smile nod
which is hard without a head on their shoulders like Ichabod
Crane
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6. |
There and Back Again
02:25
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Verse
Sometimes I think I'm too honest
But to be honest I'm sick, I'm bubonic
But less black than the plague which is vague Cause the Black Plague as a name's kinda ironic
in that most black folks don't actually kill entire populations of european people, or move chronic
Who said they move chronic?
Were you away cuz
Cause if you ever smoked bud you know tress make you cough like the plague does
I hold my smoke in, toke up, lightweight Yankee you'd faint from a baby buzz
Fuck you random English guy, take a long nap. this my song. Begone, move along chap
Bugger
Yeah, that's right, walk away bitch
Remember what my name is (WATSKY)
Good, now that square dude is gone we can party
Let's get some mardis gras beads, weed and bacardi
The weed's gone, that British nobleman smoked our shit
and no one noticed
Who cares bro, I party sober, I'm over it
I'm with my dogs yo, my dobermans at In N Out
feeling dope and shit
It's a local thing I get the cheese fries, then go home for a boca burger and a mocha drink
I go to Yogurtland
blowing smoke rings and speeding in the fast lane yodeling
road soda tucked in the lap of the kid riding shotgun when the cops roll past motioning
for us to pull over and I don't I blow past a toll booth doing donuts on the shoulder slow, I'm the Sofa King
I won't brag
But believe me, I know swag
I'm feeling so sav
My friends in the backseat follow our police chase live on the plasma screen headrest TVs that I don't have
They warn me about the spike strips I swerve, and I fly through the burbs, but then I hit the curb
and my tire pops
I flee on foot but get tired stop
and invite the the firefighters and the night cops out to iHop
this is the life, homie, why knock it
I get high fives when I pop the top off my beer bottle with my eye socket
I'll be fine
I'm bleeding but the best beer goggles is to be blind
Is this seat taken?
Is that you British fool
I can't see shit, but know there's a seat vacant
It's me
Well sit down dude, there's mad room
We just got food, but there's bound to be round two
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7. |
Pumped Up Kicks Remix
02:56
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Verse 1
I've been on the blacktop
Steady throwing elbows
Ever since I was was in corduroys and velcros
Ever since you did your impression of Melrose
Pace
a giggling gaggle of Tickle me Elmos
I ate some wheaties and graduated to shell toes
Running from a bully, man I'm thinking hell no
chain me to a tree, I'm waiting for the bulldozer
You only woulda seen skate away if hell froze
May not be bigger but you're never gonna pick on me
You're Cedric Diggory. I'm Nicholas Nickleby
You better pick a team
There's no in between
You want a nickelbag
You want some nicotine
You wanted a fix
I will never be your goldmine
Taking my kicks
And I'm hanging em over the phoneline
So you can find me, posted feeling so fine
I'm not looking for a co-sign
Verse 2
At Buena Vista elementary in second grade
One whistle is when recess ends
Two whistles is an earthquake drill
Three means every kid better hit the deck
Unless you want to catch a stray bullet or a ricochet from a fight across the chainlink fence
I know that I don't look it but grew up in the middle of the city where only the quick make friends
A kid in Frisco
navigating Lombard
no On Star
I'm on BART
no lawn darts
not saying I'm hard
But I got street val for my pokemon cards
Better put me onto Pawn stars
And I'll Barter like my gramma when she wants art
Every block or two I skate around another beggar
Leaning on a cop car
Baked as a pop tart
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8. |
D.A.N.C.E. Remix
03:35
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verse 1
6th grade, I remember my first dance
Steady searching through the mix for a slowdance
Like the marshmallow pieces in the lucky charms
Cause that's golden your opportunity for romance
But on the fast songs the numbers between
That's when you get to show the lovely ladies what you mean
It's when the fella's preen watch me C-Walk
How I strutted and displayed feathers like a peacock
They did the Funky Chicken, I learned the Dirty Bird,
Cause the Atlanta Falcons did it in the endzone
After every touchdown. It didn't help me score, did it at the dances and it put me in the friend zone
And if I went home, with my head down
I lift my chin up
Then put it down again
Up again
Down again
Up again
Down again
Now I'm headbanging to the brand new sound again
Verse 2
Your body is a temple
My body circus ring trying to hold itself up like a tentpole
every instrumental makes my pencil neck snap back fast until I'm going mental
Some call it grinding, some call it bumping, but in the Bay we had a funny way of speaking
In San Francisco, we're the kids of hippies, just a bunch of geeks so we called it freaking
In 6th grade, freaked with a 8th hottie named Janny and I sang Kumbaya
Amen Halllujah!
Until a hater chaperone came and made room for God
It's all good though
Turn the anger into energy and passion tlll I'm burning like a wood stove
I do Liquid and the Fireball
the only raver moves I know
But I'm putting on a good show
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9. |
Pauly Shore Saw My Penis
02:46
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Verse 1
You couldn't see a lot
With our crotches under froth
On timer-jets the trouble started when the bubbles stopped
Now if you wanted you could see each little boy wand
Bobbing there as clear as little goldfish in a coi pond
And I was hot and prunie
As dry as styrofoam
I needed to escape the tub like Pauly from the Biodome
I know no boychik's poifect
But I made my lifetime's choice
and hoisted myself out of the moistness
slowly which exposed my joystick
And Pauly must have seen it
plain as I'm waving at you
Because I stood there dripping, naked like the David statue
Pauly I've gotta ask you
Because I'm just not psychic
If my penis was a facebook post
I wonder if you'd like it
"Chorus"
All my life
I prayed for a friend like you
And I wish I could glance at your linus too
But you wore a fucking speedo, you bitch
Verse 2
I can't express just what it's meant to me
to have my genitals vetted by a celebrity
with Paulie's pedigree
I'm talking Breeder's Cup
If Charlie sheen had seen my seen peen it wouldn't mean as much
He doesn't have the Weasel's touch
I'm not some stupid groupie
this dude was in Biodome, Encino Man, a Goofie movie
and probably other stuff
I just think it's fucking nuts
That mister Pauly Shore himself was gazing at my buttercups
I dreamed to be discovered
I hope the wait is over
Don't know if this is it
But either way it's great exposure
And I can't blow this chance
To have a bro romance
I hope he picks the fruit the dangles from my lowest branch
I''l pick the slowest dance
I just can't handle this
Perhaps I should expect it at a men's spa in Los Angeles
"Chorus"
I wish I could see your pud too
But I'd twitpic your dillsnick, it's true
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10. |
Ask Me Anything
01:37
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You want to know
Then I'll try
to tell you how it is
there
isn't ever much
cracking the coconut hoping to get me to open wide
now
If you want to know
then all you have to do is ask me
I don't have a thing to hide
i walk in the office of my orthodontist and without a warning
my jawbone is already pried
And honestly, I've never lied
second to none
If I pucker my lips and I lickem I'm looking to kick an impeccable pun
I don't kick it like Bekham
I kick it like Bekham a decade ago when I run my mouth
you think I'm a megalo-maniac
A lout?
I'll be begging to differ
try sticking a flute-- or a picolo
up a particular part of your pecker
But I'll let you pick it though
I'm out
I'll chuck up a duece-- a bigalow
and be cracking a Michelob
and I give a toast
and I trickle a bit in the gutter for all of my bigger bros
And I walk it out
now
If you want to know
then all you have to do is ask me
Not a thing to hide
I'm trying to be totally open like all the time
now
If you want to know
now
then all you have to do is ask me
Not a thing to hide
now
Not one damn thing
now
Not one damn thing
And I'm glad I got all of these ears around
me
Not one damn thing
And I'm glad I got all of these ears around
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11. |
Ten Fingers
02:28
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Never have I ever seen Passion of Christ
Never have I ever crashed on a bike
Or been trapped on an island and had to survive
And yes I've been trashed a Saturday night
But never have I ever smoked crack from a pipe
I've never started one slow clap in my life
I never ever sat first class on a flight
Or drank cognac from a bird bath Never tried
to fly
And yes, I'm known to cop a dub sack
But I've never have I ever rolled my own blunt wrap
Never have I banged to Purple Rain or Doveshack
Never have I ever loved and been loved back
fun fact, Cause I've had a broken heart
But I've never ever ever ever put a woman over art
And I'm never gonna start
Never cheated on a chick
But Ask me if I've lied, then I'll likely plead the fifth
Never have I seen a ghost or a spirit
But if one appears then I'll know when I'm near it
And if I ever fucked a prophet I'd be quick to repent
But I've never known Jesus in the Biblical sense
But I've I think we'd be friends
if he went to my school and was cool and we kicked it in chem
I've never kissed a dude
Well Tha'ss partly true
Are we counting Spin the Bottle at a cast party too?
Sooo gay
Pause
Press Play
I've never raved
I never been tased
Never maced or been maced
Or been punched in the face
Never have I ever contemplated suicide
or been crucified
Never have I ever mooned another driver from the side of my hooptie ride
Never have I ever swallowed all my foolish pride
And I can't really tell
If I'm a good person or I'm faking really well
Cause every now and then I'd catch her on the phone
But I never really went to visit grandma at the home
But I've always known
That I won't be happy
Until I'm the best version of myself when I'm alone
So fuck thinking of marriage
Till I learn to put another person first and be a parent
I pinky swear it
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12. |
Energy
02:26
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Verse 1
My head's up in the sky it's higher than the clouds are
I like to look up at the stars and wonder how far
from what I hear about a billion babies are delivered every day and so it's like the planet is a clown car
I know it probably shouldn't work, but we all fit
Like a Mcy D's Playplace ballpit
So lookie me, I'm about to jump up in it swimming through syringes like a mothafuckin dolphin
I might have an outburst
There's a lot of freaky people on the planet and it makes me want to crowd surf
everybody everywhere dig downwards
it's what we work for
party at the earth's core!
I gon't where to go to go far
but if if I go, then I know I should go hard
And if I go and I never come back
Then I'll send a postcard
And a couple thumb tacks
Verse 2
teacher said this party started with a loud bang
the way my ears are ringing I don't hear a sound mang
i'm steady looking at the crowd like a proud dad
for coming out instead of clicking like a mouse pad
steal a bounce house, fill it full of helium
ride like a blimp because I think It'd be really fun
to do a triple flip in zero gravity while puffing on a philly blunt and shooting stars with a BB gun
Tonight I'll look at something that I've never seen before
And I might even pen graffitti on a meteor
I can reach it, homie veni vidi vicci it's all peachy got a vision of the future on a wigi board
I didn't believe it, I
thought it CGI
Why don't you decide
if we're computerized?
assuming you and I alive
and tomorrow is the rapture
I wonder watcha wanna do tonight
Verse 3
I don't wanna I don't wanna I don't wanna
I don't I don't wanna end up as an anybody
Everybody is anybody
made of arteries and antibodies
and you never get to see confetti without getting bloody
If you read ahead you'll all be surprised
spoiler alert!
we're all gonna die
But I'll be hooping in that driveway in the clouds
Shooting fouls with that big orange ball in the sky
And when I die wanna say well I made it
And be way celebrated
and remain as a staple
If I stay hella faded
then I'll fade and my fate'll be the same as the fakers with the chains on the labels
it's a shame people do it for the fame and the cash and not the flame and the passion I train through the pain and I frame every passage as way to stay fit
Cause an 808 kick is my gatorade drink
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13. |
Show Goes On mini-mix
01:48
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I don't really give a damn about a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow if it's being on a billboard
From the moment I saw Chali 2na rocking under the multi- colored lighting in concert at the Fillmore
I'd kill for
punks and b-girls
never gonna matter I'll be spitting like a water cannon making waves I'm an orca, I recommend a poncho you'll be feeling like you're in the front row at Sea World
Gonna hike it till I make it, it's a good call
taking the mic and i spike it like a football
like a running back
like i'm under the gun but I'm never gonna crack
never could fall
It's like I'm Arnold I'm
skinny but I'm picking up a barbell fine
gonna make it putting my pen to the paper poppin out a novel in a minute
like I'm R.L. Stine
Gotta try because I got a fool's chance
grab the mic up at a middle school dance
Take it from the DJ and I rap until they plug up out on me to stop it or until I get pantsed
fuck it, they can pull the plug I'm gonna kick it acapella, Dockers at my ankles, and I tell em what I'm feeling
even if nobody is listening I yell it to the ceiling and I celebrate the fact that I'm alive and I'm breathing
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14. |
4AM Monday
03:48
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Verse 1
I know why they call them labels
because you have to fit a label now to fit a label
But If I'm a pussy, then I guess I did my kegels
I got it on lox, I'll bring the bagels
It kind of feels like middle school again when they call
I think the majors can't quite decide if I'll come play ball
If I can make them money
If I can dumb my shit down enough
Or do the dance
I think it's kind of funny
They might be right, I'm shaped different like Toblerone
I turned down a quarter mil to pitch a mobile phone
Cause I believed that I can be more and walked away
And left my hand up in the air like I just shot the j
White rappers only make if we talk like stars
Hit the A-list
Cause you puffed on Ls
And dropped your Rs
Let's pull some video out of 5th grade pageant
And compare the way you talked then to how you're rapping
You think you sound the same
Or that you picked up the way to be real in somewhere TV-land along the way?
If I just get 15 minutes I'm gonna stay myself
And when that 16th minute comes then I won't hate myself
Maybe I'll never get signed
I'll fucking flatline
But nobody gets to raise a banner during halftime
Win or lose I bet on myself and I place a bid
And make the same face on every play like Jason Kid
Chorus
It's almost 4am
Monday in my room again
Got a crazy vision of a dream escaping from my pen
I'll be swinging going down
Fuck that noise, No way no how
You're listening to this song
But I'm working on the next one now
Verse 2
If my goals are odd I take as a challenge
people seem confused by how I hope to use my talents
Could he be weird Al, could he be Jimmie Fallon?
I tell them to imagine Mos Def meets Woodie Allen
haters give me balance. Every Kyle's got a Cartman
I know how failure tastes
I drink it straight from the carton
I always keep a gallon in the fridge at my apartment
to remind me how it feels to drop the ball like Stevie Bartman
Believe me I want to achieve it all by being me
It's too easy to be cheesy on TV or DVD
I'm seeking to sneak in, but I'm weeping when I peep the scene
Cause I'm knee-deep in it and need a TP roll to keep it clean
I'm digging for a deeper meaning cause beneath this skin is a beating the temperamental heaving heart of gentle heathen
If you deceive us, homie that's so sad
I'll get more agro than the Aggro Crag
I'm Bony Bony leave me aloney you know me well
don't dwell on that Jabroni just cause that baloney sells
His flow is hole-y like the edge of abalone shells
I want to flow holy like matrimony bells
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15. |
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I used to think I was a marxist
now i go to less marches
It's not that I don't want to start shit
But I don't want to start shit
Unless it's where my heart sits
i don't keep a knife under my seat
to join the revolution and spill blood in the street
rather have a discussion over a bottle of bud or a puff on a blunt and then get something to eat
I used to ask strangers if they believed in a God
to see if we were peas in a pod
and if they didn't agree with me then i'd argue and try to be smarter thinking I'd hear people applaud
But
I'm getting older
And I'm getting dummer
Or least I know less than I did when I was younger
I used to profess, now I'm more pro-wonder
I used to fear death, now I'm set to go under
No, fuck it, I still fear
This life is too top tear
and it's like we just got here
we're more than an oozie on a navy plane
or lazy susan cruising on the gravy train
we're the tingle up your neck
when you see the sunset filter through the dust as it settles on the wavy grain
yes, the wavy grain on the stolen land
theft is as American as a Cola can
yeah, it was sold to sam
tell it to the mother of a little girl
on the trail of tears as she holds her hand
dammit, this was built on something ugly
But wIth all my heart, man I believe in this country
The beauty of our constitution
have you read it lately? I swear It's really pretty lovely
Really splendid
It's like our forefathers penned it
inspired, some early eminem shit
It's like they meant it
it's like they dreampt that all the fences that divide us would eventually be mended
or rather torn down
so I don't think it's un-American at all for us to ask for even more now
Let's talk it over over more rounds
What do you say?
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16. |
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06:30
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gwatsky Los Angeles, California
George Watsky is a poet, author and hip hop artist.
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